How to be More Confident
Updated: Oct 26, 2018
Alrighty, I have to be honest with you. This one is a weird one for me to write.
A couple of years ago, I had a very low self esteem. I didn't see myself as much, walked around with my head down and spoke with great self doubt. I'm glad to tell you that the tables have been flipped, and with consistency and great effort, you can without a doubt figure out how to pay no mind to those negative thoughts you experience and recognize the difference between truth and lie when it comes to the chatter that occurs in our monkey minds.
Here's what worked for me, and isn't meant to be taken as medical advice. Please get help from a professional if you suffer from severe depression/similar mental health issues!
1. Develop a meditation practice.
This is key. Meditation is a great tool when it comes to your relationship with your mind. It certainly is mine. The myth out there about meditation is that its a practice where your goal is to quiet your mind. This couldn't be further from the truth.
The goal of a meditation practice is to work on your relationship with your mind, and to recognize that that voice in your head is really not who you are. During a meditation practice, its common that there will be an object of focus and when you get lost in thought, a teacher would suggest that you just recognize it as nothing more than a thought, and gently get back to your practice. This practice, over time, translates to your day to day life. Whenever negative thoughts come around, I just note to myself "thinking" and get back to whatever it is that I'm doing.
This simple thing has changed my life.
2. Bring awareness to the good.
You need to know your good, and that takes recognizing your accomplishments. Even if its something "small". To do this, I find it helpful to write a list a few things I did right in a day. Whether its something big like getting the job you want, or something small like "I made my bed this morning" - no matter what it is, consistently writing down a few things that you genuinely feel you've done right over time in a journal of some sort can psychologically make a huge shift in the monkey mind chatter we all experience.
You can even ask a friend/loved one to help you with this if you really struggle.
3. Get out of your comfort zone.
Here's the scary part. In order to become more confident, you need to get out of your little turtle shell. Do something each day that makes you uncomfortable. For example, if you struggle with something like public speaking, Tim Ferriss recommends doing something silly in public each day, like going to a cafe, ordering your drink and asking the cashier if you can get it for free. Seems silly, but its getting past that anxiety that's gonna help you grow!!
4.) Find your community.
A lot of issues people have is that they are continuously surround themselves with people who are taking them down. This is a big problem. Imagine this. You're trying to build a career as a musician and you're surrounded by people who think that what you're trying to do is silly. This is a big big problem.
You need to change your environment. If you're a musician, you need to hang with other like minded folks and know that you're not alone. Apps like meetup.com or eventbrite.com are great resources to find like minded individuals in your area, so I'd highly recommend you check out whats going on in your area, and know that you damn well deserve good friends.
If this is helpful for you, or a loved one, please share this!
Sending you much love,