How to Find The Right Community, and Why It Matters
"I'll just take care of this myself. I don't need any help. I got this."
A story many of us with ADHD, especially men, have told ourselves countless times.
And I get it.
Due to societal stigmas, many of us feel ashamed in seeking help or support. We fear that it makes us weak.
The truth is, is that that's from the actual case. Human beings are, in fact, social creatures and when those of us with ADHD engage with the right communities for us, it really makes a huge difference.
Here are some of my favorite tips when it comes to "what to look for" in a good community.
And friendly reminder to be safe, smart and preventative with COVID-19. Zoom and social distancing is encouraged.
Let me be loud and clear here.
If you feel that you're putting a "mask" on to be in this community, the community is likely not for you. One of the most important things in seeking community is that we are with those who either get us, or willing to get us.
A community in which you feel unaccepted and judged is one that you have every right to say the incredible word no to.
The opposite is 100% worth keeping open arms to.
2. Common interests.
If you're an ADHD person, you have to recognize that you have a very interest based way of operating. It's one of the reasons we tend to focus really well on things that we enjoy, but struggle a lot with the "everyday things" a little more than the every day person such as organization, chores and planning (thank goodness for proper treatment).
To make "zoning out" a little less likely, attending a group in which that natural interest of yours is sparked is a really great idea.
In fact, if you're like me, you'll find yourself contributing quite a bit as you're a passionate individual.
3. Truthful with good intentions.
This is probably my favorite one. Let's be 100% honest here - accountability matters. We just have to make sure it's from the right source.
A good community, especially in an area where a goal is shared, will provide you accountability and call you out on your "BS" - in a loving way. For instance, when I find a member of my support group say that they "can't be successful" or "can't be great" due to their ADHD, I'll make sure to kindly let them know that that is absolute nonsense.
We can learn to do great things when we navigate our ADHD brains and there have been many successful examples and I say this in the most loving way - this doesn't exclude yourself. And having someone who reminds you of that can be one of the best gifts you give to yourself.
What I really want you to get from this blog post is that you're not alone, nor do you have to do anything all on your own. We human beings can support each other and win. We can recognize that seeking that support doesn't make us weak. And we can recognize that community can bring great things in our lives.
If you're a male with ADHD, I'd love to have you as part of my free ADHD Men's Support Group. This is a group where we connect with one another, share our stories, provide non-judgement and loving accountability, too.